"That" Way
Milkynubs
Summary:
You refuse to ever, ever admit that you love your sister "that" way.
You love your sister, but not in the way one might think.
It wasn't always like this, but it began long ago. You knew something felt unusual back in elementary school; her scent, her touch, her laugh, the way she whined when she couldn't have her way, how her hair flowed, would bring something out in you. This was definitely fondness of some sort, but you passed it off as familial. You know now, though, that this feeling has to be something more.
Although it seemed to start in elementary, you didn't begin to notice your feelings until the both of you entered junior high. If Junko knew how you felt during those years, she would have drooled at your pathetic despair. Junko was, of course, very popular with boys and girls alike. She was just beginning her modeling career and your family could now afford a nicer living space... a space in which she'd invite boys. It really shouldn't have mattered to you, since she just wanted to toy with them and tease them and turn them down once they thought they had a chance, and yet, sickeningly, you still wished you were in their place. You found yourself unable to sleep most nights, scorning your disgusting and masochistic wishes to have your heart directly broken by your little sister. You wanted to be the one to please her with the shame, the anguish, the torment of your lewd attraction, and yet you were not (and are not) ready to face her judgment.
Something was definitely wrong with Junko, who grew more erratic everyday, but your parents didn't feel it was necessary to do anything about it. Eventually she began scheming about ways to cause classmates emotional pain, and though she clearly needed professional help, you knew you had to assist her if you wanted her attention. You learned not to care about ruining others' lives, so long as Junko was entertained, and during the school years you had a wonderful relationship with eachother.
During the summer, however, it was harder to keep Junko happy. You'd always be labeled “disappointment”. She just wants to see me despair, you would think, and though it may be true, it still hurt more than it should have. It's bad enough to be disappointing to your little sister, but even worse to be disappointing to someone you... love like that. And so, you'd always shatter your cold exterior for her. As she stared you down with her frighteningly satisfied eyes – face locked in an expression of condescension – and told you how terrifying your “killer eyes” were and how much of a disappointment you were, you'd hold in your tears then pretend to break, just as she liked. Words like that only hurt coming from your sister, but you knew she wasn't serious. She hurts you because she's fond of you. That's what you tell yourself, anyway.
But the truly despair-inducing things she'd say were the affectionate things; Junko's version of affectionate, at least. “You actually look kinda pretty in that! So unusual for you, upupu...”; “I'm smart and you're violent. It's like we were made to be a duo, huh!”; “Mukuro-neetan is so cool! Junko wants to be cool like big sis!”; with every hug and every word of approval, you were always reminded your sister loved you, but... not inthat way. Your emotions conflicted and all you wanted to do was curl up and forget everything. Forget that you're in love with your sister, forget that you can never be together, forget that you're so pathetic you let her use you as a pawn and emotionally abuse you just to make her pleased with you.
Inevitably, you'll be taking your shameful secret to the grave. You've never told a soul or written about your feelings anywhere. No one can ever know, especially Junko. You refuse to ever, ever admit that you love your sister that way.I

篮子酱汉化中。。。

总结:你永远，永远不会承认你爱你妹妹的那种方式。你爱你妹妹，但不是你想的那样。以前不是这样的，但很久以前就开始了。你知道在小学的时候有些东西感觉不同寻常，她的气味，她的触摸，她的笑声，当她不能按照自己的方式行事时她抱怨的方式，她的头发是如何流动的，这些都会让你感到不同寻常。这绝对是某种喜欢，但你假装是家人。你现在知道了，这种感觉不仅仅是。虽然看起来是从小学开始的，但直到你们俩都进了初中，你才开始注意到自己的感受。如果淳子知道你那些年的感受，她会对你可悲的绝望垂涎三尺的。当然，无论是男孩还是女孩，纯子都很受欢迎。她刚刚开始她的模特生涯，而你的家庭现在可以负担得起一个更好的生活空间...一个她会邀请男孩子的空间。这对你来说真的不重要，因为她只是想玩弄他们，逗弄他们，一旦他们认为他们有机会，就拒绝他们，然而，令人恶心的是，你仍然希望你能站在他们的立场上。你发现自己大多数晚上都无法入睡，蔑视你那令人厌恶的、受虐狂般的愿望——让你的妹妹直接伤透你的心。你想成为那个用你下流的吸引力带来的羞耻、痛苦和折磨来取悦她的人，但是你没有(也没有)准备好面对她的审判。纯子肯定出了什么问题，他每天都变得越来越古怪，但是你的父母觉得没有必要做任何事情。最终，她开始计划如何让同学感到痛苦，尽管她显然需要专业的帮助，你知道如果你想引起她的注意，你必须帮助她。你学会了不在乎毁掉别人的生活，只要纯子有娱乐，在学校的时候，你们有一个美好的关系。然而，在夏天，要让淳子高兴起来就更难了。你总会被贴上“失望”的标签。你可能会想，她只是想看到我绝望的样子，虽然这可能是真的，但是我还是觉得很难过。让你妹妹失望已经够糟糕了，更糟糕的是让你爱的人失望。所以，你总是为她打破你冰冷的外表。当她用她那令人害怕的满足的眼睛盯着你——脸上带着一种居高临下的表情——告诉你你的“杀手眼睛”有多么可怕，你有多么失望的时候，你会忍住眼泪，然后假装崩溃，就像她喜欢的那样。这样的话从你妹妹嘴里说出来只会让你伤心，但你知道她不是认真的。她伤害你是因为她喜欢你。反正你也是这么告诉自己的。但是真正令人绝望的是她所说的深情的东西，至少是淳子所说的那种深情。“你穿这个还挺漂亮的!”！这对你来说太不寻常了...”;“我很聪明，你很暴力。就好像我们是天生一对;“mukuro-neetan太酷了！纯子想要像姐姐一样酷!”每一个拥抱，每一句赞许，都会让你想起你姐姐爱你，但...不是那样。你的情绪很矛盾，你想做的就是蜷缩起来，忘记一切。忘记你爱着你的妹妹，忘记你们永远不可能在一起，忘记你是如此可悲，你让她利用你作为一个棋子和情感虐待你只是为了让她对你感到高兴。不可避免的，你会把你可耻的秘密带进坟墓。你从来没有告诉过任何人，也没有在任何地方写过你的感受。不能让任何人知道，尤其是那个瘾君子。你拒绝承认你那样爱你妹妹