Are people becoming addicted to technology?
Numerous studies claim that addiction to technology is real and it has the same effect on the brain as drug. Thus, there is, among many professors and experts, a hot debate whether people are becoming addicted to technology. What is my perspective is that it is technology that people have become addicted to.
Quite a few factors, in fact, explain why this is the case. Firstly, with the widespread uses of smart phones among undergraduates,they spent plenty of time using smart phones to communicate with others and broaden the circle of their friends.Apparently, they have become so addicted to it that they ignored the face-to-face communication with their family and friends. In addition,some undergraduates spent so much time on playing video games,which is not only bad for their health but also bad for their academic progress in their learning. As a result, some of them are likely to fail to pass the final exam and even drop out.
To sum up, many youngsters, especially undergraduates, have become addicted to technology. So parents should educate their kids to use technology properly. Only in this way can our society become more harmonious and prosperous.
谢谢啦

11分

你这跟营销号的车轱辘话有一拼…太空洞了吧…而且逻辑也不对啊，有很多调查说人科技上瘾，怎么就所以很多教授专家争论了…这两个是因果关系吗?

而且这出题也是，我知道他想让我说啥，可是要我写我绝对跟他反着来。科技上瘾根本就是个伪命题

全篇都在陈述一句话，而且中式英语风格明显

句式是为内容服务的，不是为了用某种句型而强行用，比如第一段末的What is my perspective is that it is technology that people have become addicted to，这里的完全可以改成my perspective is that people are increasingly addicted …
从全篇的结构来看，是一个提出问题-原因-解决（What-Why-How）的结构，和考研英语大作文一样，看得出来lz是专门练习过的。但在why阶段分析得不够深入，lz列出了一两个原因，但每个原因都可以有他们独立或共同的更根本原因，如果能继续挖掘就更好。比如玩手机游戏背后的原因可能是人们习惯了“及时满足”。
然后就是题目没有要求你去写上瘾有什么危害，严格来说这部分对整个文章的中心产生偏移，而且也干扰了行文逻辑的进行。
还有一点就是科技不等于玩手机，题目给出了drug，那么在写的时候尽量描绘出人们一天离开科技就寸步难行的感觉。的确，科技给人们带来便捷，也把人们捆绑。所以这里面暗含有社会因素。

9-11/15，上12很难。但是有逻辑有论证。如果论证的地方多一点，详实一点就好了。。。然后语法啥的个别地方再注意一下好的更地道的用法

评论区说写的不好的可能是云考生，四六级重要的是语言和格式，内容只要不跑题，怎么写都行，老师看的不是内容，你这个我感觉挺标准的格式，第一段引出话题+自己看法，第二段2-3个原因分析，第三段总结+呼吁，只要语言没有错误就是高分

友友的这篇文章写的也是有不错的地方的，当然，这个是在非考场环境下写的，可能到正式的考场环境的话，很多模板句式难以完全发挥出来。所以想要把文章写好，还是要更多针对内容和逻辑做一个提升。正如很多评论说的，可能确实会存在一些形式大于内容的成分，但是如果你能够有去积累一些模板，并且把它使用出来的习惯总归是好的，但是如果你频繁的使用插入语或者其实还没有必要的复杂句式，这往往会掩盖了你内容表达这一方面，物极必反就是这个道理。像你这篇文章的话，你更多的是在说手机带来的危害是什么，但是你更需要去有一个逻辑，先阐明这种现象，然后分析这种现象的原因，接着踢一下这种现象的危害，因此以我们应该采取一些措施。如果你单独的去写危害，那么你的那个first second，in addition，这种逻辑词就更像是一种形式，而非逻辑。

可以我帮你看

4级不是有手就行吗

写的不错，稍微有点啰嗦的地方大家也给你指正了写的挺标准的，你这这么搞肯定能高分的，一对比我当初还是裸考啥都没看哈哈哈